Planting Seed Thoughts...

...and waiting for the seeds I've planted to germinate.

Before Christmas, I was filled with energy. I had so many new project ideas, I’d planted the seeds of, that I did not know where I would find the time to grow them.

I feel as though I am following some internal season. At the winter solstice, I went to Avebury stone circle and did some energy work there. We did Christmas, quietly (I am still looking after my elderly father and he does not ‘do’ Christmas). I did manage to get some hours in with three of my daughters and their daughters, so it felt a little like Christmas, at least until I got to my father’s home where it then felt like a normal day.

The New Year passed much the same. Uneventfully. I even managed to sleep through the fireworks, only occassionally jolting awake to particularly loud bangs and immediately feeling sad for those who hear the same bangs and know people have died.

Now, on the seventh of January, I’m feeling flat and uninspired. Have been for weeks. I keep myself going, knitting socks like they are going out of fashion and rewatching the Handmaid’s Tale. It’s all I feel the desire to do. It’s as if the seeds I planted before Christmas need to germinate in the quiet, darkness of the soil. I know that eventually they will break through the frosty top layer and their green tips will awaken my motivation again. But for now, all I want to do is knit and watch movies.

Even though, I know this time is necessary and that things will change, I always find it difficult to accept. I want to be able to think, to write, to force the seeds to grow. There is so much I want to write, but the flow is halted, like some internal sluice-gate has been closed. In the meantime, I try to find ways to be creative without forcing anything. I know when the time is right that things will change and I will be up and running again.

I have been doing much personal healing, which I’m sure is part of the process - I’ve been doing this long enough to know - letting go of old martyrdom issues and food related struggles. I have achieved some of that. I’ve finally managed to kick my caffeine addiction. In the past, when I tried to give up caffeine, I was so sick that I gave up giving up. Two days of migraine and throwing up was too hard. This time, however, I did not go cold turkey. I reduced my consumption gradually, over a month, by one cup a week, until I could manage without it. Perhaps that is also contributing to my lack of energy. My body is adjusting to its own natural rhythms.

I spend each morning rereading the Seth Books (Jane Roberts). Plus books by Jane herself, and one of her students, Sue Watkins. I have been reading the Seth books since my thirties, I am now sixty two, but went for many years not reading them. I did dip in and out but found it energetically hard work. In rereading them, I have to think very carefully about the material because in the past I simply ‘read’ them. It was always an interesting experience, because the act of reading opened my consciousness and things ‘happened’. Now, it feels different. It’s like having my consciousness in space and learning to hold onto the information, learning how to apply the principles in my physical reality. It makes for a very slow read.

There are exercises in the books too, which I am trying, whilst also exploring exercises my own guides have given me. These have to be done every morning and take twenty minutes or so. I write everything down so I can pass them on to others later, once I see and understand how they work. Seth’s exercies have a more immediate effect than my own so they have different outcomes.

I’m not wasting time by not writing. I’m still doing something, just not what I want to be doing. When Spring comes, I know my seeds will have begun to sprout and my chosen flowers will grow visibly. I just have to remind myself that this is nature’s way of planting and I must be patient. It could be a lot worse. I could be waiting for the next missile to hit my home, my school, my hospital. I am grateful that all I have to do is wait. But I send my thoughts to those who do not have the luxury of waiting for something good to happen.

I am one of the lucky ones.

I realise that I have written this, so the writing has not completely stalled, but I have no desire to blog on my website. I know it’ll come back. I just have to give it time. My poor substack gets ignored much of the time because I am too busy with my main site, and with finishing my second book (I’m on the last chapter of the second draft). So at least this break in energy allows me to write something else. Perhaps I am too focused on my other work and need to lighten up, not be in such a rush; and stop expecting everything to happen yesterday.

It has taken me many years to learn patience, perhaps I need to learn a little more.

Happy New Year.